Understanding the soulmate myth

In the vast expanse of human relationships, the concept of a ‘soulmate’ often stands out as the pinnacle of romantic aspirations. Popular culture, literature, and movies have so romanticized the idea that many spend their lives in the pursuit of that one individual who completes them. However, like many concepts deeply entrenched in our psyche, the soulmate theory merits closer scrutiny. This article delves into the origins, implications, and realities behind the soulmate myth, aiming to provide a balanced perspective.

1. Tracing the Origins of the Soulmate Concept

The notion of a soulmate can be traced back to ancient civilizations. Plato, in his work “Symposium,” describes humans as once having two heads, four arms, and four legs. The gods split them into two, leading these beings to spend their lives searching for their other half. This allegorical tale highlights the human yearning for connection and completion.

2. The Romanticization of the Soulmate Theory

Over time, literature, art, and cinema have amplified the concept of a soulmate. Romantic narratives often hinge on the idea of two people ‘meant to be together’ against all odds. Such depictions, while captivating, can set unrealistic expectations about relationships, leading individuals on endless quests for perfection.

3. The Implications of the Soulmate Myth

Believing in the soulmate concept has profound implications:

Limiting Growth: Waiting for a soulmate might stifle personal growth. Instead of evolving and working on oneself, the focus might remain on finding that ‘perfect’ individual.

Unrealistic Expectations: No individual can meet all of another’s emotional, physical, and intellectual needs. The soulmate myth can lead to disappointments when reality falls short.

Missed Connections: With eyes set on an ideal, one might overlook genuine connections that don’t fit the soulmate mold but offer depth and compatibility.

4. A Closer Look at Relationship Dynamics

At its core, a relationship is a dynamic interplay between two individuals, each bringing their histories, aspirations, flaws, and strengths. Pinning the success of a relationship on the soulmate theory can undermine the hard work, understanding, and growth that sustain long-term bonds.

5. The Evolution of Love

Love is an evolving emotion. From the initial stages of infatuation to deep-seated companionship, love transforms. The soulmate concept, often rooted in the early stages of intense attraction, might not account for love’s multifaceted and evolving nature.

6. The Role of Choice in Relationships

One of the most significant oversights of the soulmate myth is the undermining of choice. Relationships thrive on decisions—choosing to stay, to work through challenges, to adapt, and to love, even when the initial spark wanes. Reducing love to destiny can overshadow the power of choice in sustaining connections.

7. Individual Completeness vs. External Validation

The soulmate myth hinges on the idea of another individual completing us. This perspective can be problematic, suggesting that completeness is external. Personal growth, self-awareness, and self-love are foundational for any healthy relationship. Seeking validation and completion from another might lead to co-dependence.

8. Broadening the Concept of a Soulmate

While the traditional view of a soulmate is romantically inclined, expanding the definition can be liberating. Soulmate connections might be found in friendships, familial bonds, or mentor-mentee relationships. These connections, rooted in deep understanding and resonance, validate the human need for meaningful bonds without the confines of romantic expectations.

9. The Reality of Human Connections

Humans are inherently flawed. Relationships, therefore, are a mix of joys, challenges, growth, and compromises. The soulmate myth, while enticing, might not account for the complexities and nuances of real-life connections.


While the allure of the soulmate myth is undeniable, recognizing its implications and limitations is vital. Relationships, in their essence, are about connection, growth, choices, and mutual evolution. Instead of seeking an elusive ideal, celebrating the journey of understanding, adapting, and loving can lead to fulfilling, grounded, and lasting bonds.

In the end, the most profound connections might not be about finding the ‘perfect’ soulmate but about building a bond rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and shared growth.